Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns: Insights from Parenting Coach Dr. Jenny Michaelson
Introduction
When children experience tantrums or meltdowns, their nervous system becomes dysregulated, leading to an overwhelming flood of emotions. As Dr. Jenny Michaelson, a PhD-level parenting coach, explains, managing tantrums and meltdowns requires understanding that during these episodes, children’s nervous systems go "offline," making it impossible for them to access their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving and rational thinking.
Key Points for Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
- Nervous System Offline: In the midst of a meltdown, children operate from their emotional brain, rendering them unable to process logical explanations or solutions.
- Fight or Flight Response: Their nervous system switches to fight, flight, or freeze mode, causing them to be hijacked by their emotions.
The Importance of Pausing to Manage Tantrums
Dr. Michaelson emphasizes the critical need for parents to pause when their child is having a meltdown. This pause allows parents to manage their own emotions, preventing reactions driven by embarrassment or frustration.
Steps to Pause When Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
- Take a Deep Breath: Helps calm your nervous system.
- Count Backwards from Five: A simple method to regain composure.
- Get a Sip of Water: Hydration can provide a quick reset.
- Step Away Briefly: If safe, leave the child for a few seconds to collect yourself.
Co-Regulation: A Path to Calm
After pausing, the next step in managing tantrums and meltdowns is to help the child regulate their emotions through co-regulation. Dr. Michaelson likens a child in a meltdown to a character in a Charlie Brown cartoon, where the child only hears a muffled "wah wah wah" instead of understanding words. Therefore, calming the child involves physical presence and a calm demeanor rather than verbal reasoning.
Strategies for Co-Regulation When Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
- Stay Calm: Your calm presence helps the child begin to regulate their emotions.
- Containment: Move to a smaller, quieter space if necessary.
- Comfort Items: Use a calm-down corner with pillows, blankets, and sensory items.
Moving Forward After Calm
Once the child is calm, parents can then address the behavior that led to the meltdown. It is essential to wait until the child is regulated before attempting to teach or set boundaries.
Post-Calm Steps for Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
- Problem Solving: Discuss and resolve the issue that triggered the meltdown.
- Boundary Setting: Explain acceptable behaviors and limits (e.g., no hitting or kicking).
Creating a Calm-Down Space at Home for Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
Dr. Michaelson recommends having a designated calm-down area at home filled with items that soothe and comfort the child. This can include:
- Soft pillows and blankets
- Sensory toys and items
- A quiet, dimly lit environment
Final Thoughts
Dealing with tantrums and meltdowns can be challenging, but by understanding the underlying mechanisms and applying the strategies suggested by Dr. Michaelson, parents can navigate these episodes more effectively. Remember, the goal in managing tantrums and meltdowns is to help children transition from a state of dysregulation to calm through co-regulation, allowing for constructive problem-solving and learning after they have regained their composure.
For more parenting tips and personalized coaching on managing tantrums and meltdowns, book a free 30-minute chat with a Littl Expert today!
About Dr. Jenny Michaelson
Dr. Jenny Michaelson is a renowned parenting coach with a PhD in child development. Her expertise helps parents navigate the complexities of child behavior and emotional regulation.
